You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize