Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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