I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize