i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
