I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
