we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
