big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize