I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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