Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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