I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I want a musical about memes.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
