You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
