Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
