my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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