I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
