You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
