i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
