he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
