i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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