i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
