Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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