the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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