When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
