so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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