Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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