I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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