a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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