I hope mine doesn't look like that
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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