I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
