We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
