i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
