guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
