I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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