Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
