I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
