I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize