So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
