To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
