why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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