new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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