Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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