apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
