Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
