just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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