i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
