Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize