I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
