FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
