Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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