hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Found the puke drawer
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
