So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
