Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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