I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
