Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
