I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the day after is always just damage control
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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