My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
