I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just cut my nipple shaving
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize