I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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