she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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