So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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