Your mouth is God's brothel.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
