I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
