mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Randomize
