doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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