had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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