The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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