Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
