He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
