Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
