Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
