I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
