Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize