piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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