So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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