either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
