I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize