hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
