Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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