Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
