Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
