I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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