what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
