Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
