Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize