I just made out with a guy for $7.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
