yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
