Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
