I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
